Prez 45 - Hartnell

Scramblin' thru... the U.S. Presidents

"The Beard"
"Spartnell"
"Harty"
"Doc H"

Personal Information

October 1, 1977
Lansing, Michigan

N/A

Cause of Death:
Hopefully in a
spelunking accident

Height: 6'4"

Weight: 260 lbs.

Roman Catholic

Level: College +
(Bachelor's degree from Michigan State University;
2 Masters from Marygrove College and Otterbein Univ.;
Ed.D. from Walden Univ.)

Married: Once
(Molly, 2003)

Biological Kids: 1

Wrote:
1 book

Career BEFORE Presidency:
teacher

Career AFTER Presidency:
WWE World Heavyweight Champion & Minor League
baseball manager

Presidential Information

Began: January 20, 2017
(age 39)

Ended: January 20, 2025
(age 47)

# Months Served: 96
(2 full terms)

# Vice Presidents: 1
(David E. Marshall)

Political Affiliation:
Sparty Party

Salary:
$0/year
(refused payment)

Election Information

Election of 2012

[Click map for a larger version.]

Hartnell and the Sparty Party are listed under "Other"... [Click chart for a larger version.]

While the Hartnell-Marshall ticket didn't receive enough votes to show up on the final tally for Ohio, it did garner enough votes to appear on the Franklin County return... 34 people wanted "The Beard"!

Election of 2016

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In a Presidential "first" not seen since the Election of 1789 and George Washington, Hartnell and the Sparty Party won 100% of the Electoral Vote, 538-0, over his Democratic and Republican challengers.

Election of 2020

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So embarassed by the 2016 results, no other political parties opted to run a candidate against Hartnell and the Sparty Party in 2020. As such, Hartnell again won 100% of the Electoral Vote, 538-0.

[Click campaign sticker to visit President Hartnell's actual campaign site!]

A Presidency in Review

Click on the banner above to go to the Benjamin Hartnell homepage at the University of Virginia's Miller Center. Click on the buttons below for in-depth information about Hartnell's Presidency.

A life in brief

Life before the presidency

Campaigns & elections

Life after the presidency

family life

Impact & legacy

It all started as a charity fundraiser. "Elect the Beard" was the battle cry. But then the grassroots movement took off, landing Benjamin Hartnell in the White House, where he served as the 45th U.S. President from 2017 to 2025. Alongside his Cousin Dave (the Vice President), Hartnell overhauled the crumbling American financial system by utilizing an American Idol-styled voting strategy on the issues. The money generated by giving every American a voice (and in some cases, many voices... or until the phone lines closed) pulled the nation out of debt in a matter of two years, the first time the country had a National Debt of $0 since Andrew Jackson. Thanks to a booming economy, and coupled with two successful (and brief) wars against Canada and France, Hartnell ran unopposed in 2020. With the nation's major issues solved, Hartnell spent his remaining time in the White House perfecting his WWE-moves for a return to the ring following his stint as President. Source: The History Channel

Historical Rankings

Yeaaaaa... that's exactly how great it'll feel to have Hartnell serving as our Commander-in-Chief...

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Benjamin Hartnell Fun Facts

Hartnell has 15 tattoos but didn't get his first until he was 22. (His Mom still disapproves.)

Hartnell had three dogs growing up... all named Topper. His first dog, Topper I, was a German shorthaired weimaraner. Topper II and Topper III were both chocolate labs. His parents got the name from a TV sitcom called Topper that was about a man named Cosmo Topper who discovers his new home is haunted by its former occupants... as well as a St. Bernard dog named Neil. Strangely, he is the only one able to see or hear them. Neil, the St. Bernard, loves martinis, and the show's running gag became the invisible dog lapping up the drink. Hartnell's parents picked the name for the family dog because of the weimaraner's "glowing eyes" at night. After Topper I passed when Hartnell was in 3rd grade, the Hartnell children kept naming the new animals "Topper". Once the Hartnell children grew up and moved out, their parents broke with tradition by selecting the names "Murphy" and "Maggie" for their fourth and fifth dogs.

Hartnell was a senior in high school when he finally traveled to a state NOT touching Ohio. During a family trip to Hilton Head, South Carolina on Spring Break in 1996, Hartnell had the family pull over so he could kiss the ground after crossing into the state of Virginia. Photo evidence of "the kiss" exists.

Hartnell's favorite home cooked meal is porcupine meatballs with noodles.

Hartnell holds the Westerville North High School "Dime-A-Dog Night" record. In May 2008, he shattered the old record of 12 when he downed 23 dogs. Needless to say, he didn't walk right for a week.

Hartnell was 6'0" in 8th grade... but weighed only 110 lbs... and had the coordination of Bambi on ice. (At his heaviest, Hartnell weighed 285 lbs in July 2012.) As such, he got into power-lifting toward the end of his high school years and throughout his time at Michigan State University. In 2006, he recorded his personal best for the flat bench press when he put up 600 lbs five times. To this day, his personal best for straight-bar curls is 250 lbs, a record he set for himself in February 2010, just three days before his son was born.

Hartnell's favorite book is Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury.

In order, Hartnell's Top 10 Favorite Movies are:

#1: Braveheart
#2: Glory
#3: Hoosiers
#4: The Dark Knight
#5: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
#6: True Grit (the 2010 re-make)
#7: Serendipity
#8: Major League
#9: The Godfather
#10: [Any scary movie]

For more of President Hartnell's "Top 10" Lists, click here.

Hartnell grew his first beard in 1996 (his freshman year at Michigan State), but the Amish-look just wasn't for him. He needed time. Two years passed, and in the fall of 1998, thicker, fuller, and more powerful chin hairs had grown... and were here to stay. In fact, on August 20th of every year, Hartnell celebrates his face scarf's birthday. Upon his election in 2016, Hartnell became the first bearded President since Benjamin Harrison.

Hartnell's favorite candy bar is the Whatchamacallit.

Tom Petty and Def Leppard are Hartnell's two favorite musical artists.

While you may catch Hartnell enjoying a meal at Mongolian BBQ, Quaker Steak & Lube, The Best Breakfast & Sandwiches, Cane's Chicken, or Sonic... where he truly wishes he could be is G.D. Ritzy's. (If you're from his "era", then you know...)

Ironically, and despite his love of Michigan State University, Hartnell's favorite color is... red.

Hartnell's childhood hero/idol was an outfielder for the Atlanta Braves named Dale Murphy. At the height of his baseball card collecting days, Hartnell had over 3,500 Dale Murphy cards... which his friends and family used to say "are probably worth $10 combined". Oh, they laughed... they laughed... but someday... someday... those cards will be worth $20...